King George is in the House

King George is in the House

Over the past 4 years I’ve packed on a few lbs. This has happened for many different reasons: lack of time to work out, lack of interest in working out, poor eating habits, lack of sleep, it’s Wednesday, etc. The reason for my constant weight gain has been King George III. I’ll explain.

For those of you not from the United States, King George III was the british monarch from 1760-1820. In American history, the US went from being a colony, to fighting for independence, gaining independence and then repelling the English once again during the war of 1820 during the tenure of King George. Most notably in the US, King George was the monarch responsible for the Intolerable Acts (the Tea Act, the Sugar Act, the Boston Port Act, Massachusetts Government Act, Administration of Justice Act, and the Quartering Act). With the Intolerable Acts came the slogan, “No taxation without representation.”

How does this connect?

In my home, my wife and I rule as monarchs. My children are our loyal but occasionally rebellious subjects. At some point they will become colonists when they decide to spread their wings and gain their own independence in some distant land. They will drain our resources, demand more, and refuse to payback what they said they would (just like the American colonists). Until then, my children will ante up and pay the following taxes: Polite Tax (please & thank you) and the Proximity Tax (hugs and kisses) whenever they want something.

My favorite tax to enact on my children is the First and Last Bite Tax. That means when the children have something to eat I get the first bite and whatever is left over.

As I am writing this I can’t help but think I sound like a gluttonous pig. “Unfortunately” I have to test their food to make sure it isn’t too hot. Also, I grew up in a household where you had to finish the food on your plate. When the boss gets to cooking and the kids need encouragement, King George shows up and claims his due.

Uncle Josh Claiming his Due like King George

Mini Story

Last month we were house hunting. The boss and I knew we weren’t going to make it home in time for dinner. The kids were incredible touring houses over 2 hours. As a reward we stopped at McDonalds to get the kids cheeseburgers. The boss opened the bag and said, “Who wants a cheeseburger?” Naturally both kids screamed out, “Me!” Their eagerness to wolfdown Micky D’s was palpable. The boss followed her question with, “Who wants me to eat their pickles?” Both kids said, “Me!” even louder than before.

I chuckled at the kids. They seemed to be comfortable losing the worst things ever conceived about the McDonald’s Cheeseburger, pickles. I usually pick them off and toss them so this wasn’t a big deal. The boss handed one burger to the backseat and I saw there was something off about the burger. The boss was chewing her pickles way too long. The next burger was being passed back when I asked the kids, “Hey, did someone take a bite of your sandwich?” That’s when the kids said, “You always take a bite of our sandwiches.”

Laughing I responded by saying, “This time I didn’t but give me your sandwich because King George is in the house.”

What my Kids need to Learn

When the boss and I take first and last bite, our kids learn a few valuable lessons. First, whenever the kids hear me say, “King George is in the house,” they are being taxed. Secondly, there is no free lunch. Third, order your food yourself if you want to eat by yourself. Finally, food and drinks are like a good cup of coffee, the first and last sips are the best.

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